Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
