Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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