theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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