how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
