Whod you bang
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
