tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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