Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
