The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
