I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
