she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
