I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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