I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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