words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
