What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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