I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
