An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
