I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
