btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
only if we run a train.
done.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
