he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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