cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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