so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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