someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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