Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
After tacos, we're chasing women.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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