Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
