i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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