yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You dont lie about slip and slides
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
