someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
