thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
