At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
