You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Mom said you looked used
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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