She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
