i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I wear drunk well.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
