the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
