Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
