The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
