literally had 100 drinks last night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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