One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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