i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
