I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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