Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
