Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
