FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
