My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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