allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i would punch a child for taco bell
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
