This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
