You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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