Already got asked if we're dating
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
