The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
