Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
