my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
