Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
