you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
