Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
