you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
