there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
