I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
