oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
